Site of the writer Andrew Wood

Posts tagged ‘winter’

Depression Awareness – A Slice Of Me

The cold winter sun bleeds through the curtains in the morning, rousing me from an alcoholic slumber. I grumble with a dry throat and cover my face with my forearm in a futile attempt to block it out. Sounds of clinking beer bottles and the scraping of empty cans along the wooden floor was followed by a hungered whimper and a nuzzling at my elbow. I glanced out and saw Harry, my soppy old black Labrador, wagging his tail halfheartedly at me.

“You want something to eat, Harry boy?”

He barked, understanding that I knew what he wanted. I rolled slowly onto my side and looked across the floor – a sea of bottles, cans, dog ends, and pizza boxes. I reached for one of those boxes and found some pizza still inside, barbecue bacon I think. I slid the box at Harry and continued to doze on the sofa. He didn’t make much noise as he cautiously sampled the cold meal. I knew something like that wasn’t good for him, but I really didn’t care at that point.

Where was the remote for the stereo? Ah, I was lying on it. I pushed a few buttons and stuck on something heavy; the lyrics suddenly echoing my mind as I listened to them.

“My mind is a cage, trapping my every thought and emotion. Will this ever end? Will this ever die? If it goes on then I will be the one to die. It is like a battlefield inside, my hopes and dreams like soldiers – dead and scattered, never to be reborn. Someone help me; someone kill me!”

I cried myself back to sleep, the whole time aware of the pain and torment that clouded my mind.

I woke up later on in the day and shuffled my way into the shower. It was hot and somewhat refreshing; maybe the scalding heat would melt my troubles away. It was there that I questioned myself like I always do: Why am I so depressed? What the hell has caused this? I have nothing to be depressed about – I have a wonderful job, lovely fiancee, and we’ve recently moved into our own house… so what the actual fuck?!

I don’t think about ending my life; I don’t think about anything. My mind is so fuzzy and clouded, and has been for countless years. I don’t get excited, happy, or bothered over anything anymore. Sometimes I think I have just died inside and what walks around is just an empty husk that feels the remnants of the suffering my soul has been ravaged by. I want to be happy, and I know I have things to be happy about, but telling myself this never does any good. I think I am destined to drink and eat myself into a state where I fall over dead from a heart attack. Even though this scares me, it does promise some essence of peace.

Returning Post Plus Flash Fiction #16

Hello all,

Long time no blog, eh? Been absent for quite a while. Life for me got complicated (will not go into details) and my focus was drawn away from networking and blogging altogether. I extend my apologies to anyone who did not like this 😦

Anyway, I thought I would return with a flash fiction for you all to be going along with.

 

Flash Fiction #16 – From Beyond

It was like nothing he had experienced before in his life – nothing at all. Snowy shadows cascaded his face with an icy touch, each boney embrace bringing him closer and closer to his maker.

Lucas gazed down at his gut, his cloudy vision fixing on the hilt of the dagger that had been swiftly lodged into him without resentment or hesitation. He stared and stared, trying to figure out whether or not this was the end. The pain was immense yet numbing at the same time. His chest pounded. His legs shook. His mouth dried. His palms sweated.

He looked up at his attacker with his weakened green eyes and saw his pale, leering face below a mound of muddy brown hair. Wind whipped past them both, bringing with it more white powder that covered their forms, gradually turning them into featureless snowmen. What could he do? He was so numb that he could not retaliate and take the man down with him. He felt sick – not just in his stomach, but all over; his body recoiled and heaved without relenting.

He finally fell backwards into the cold snow, his arms flopping uselessly to his sides. All he heard was laughing, harsh and sickly. It cut through him like another hundred knives, peeling his skin from his body and shattering his teeth into debris. He choked and coughed.

In his final thought he willed for his attacker to share the same fate. No-one deserves a meaningless death – not for anything.

He closed his eyes tightly and willed it, willed it with all his heart.

He wanted it and it eventually happened. The man screamed and clutched his head, his body twisting and writhing in unexplained agony and torment, before falling to his knees. Bloody tears streamed through the chiselled features of his face, parting the muddied and battered contours.

Lucas smiled inside and let his breath rest. ‘You didn’t know I could do that, did you?’ His soul roared with laughter from beyond the veil.